Now that your kids have met, it’s time focus on growing their sibling bond. A lot of your kids’ relationship will develop naturally, but you also need to be intentional about fostering a positive relationship. Let’s be honest, toddlers are little egomaniacs and you’ll have to work actively to help your kids learn about each other. Some degree of jealousy should be expected, but you hold the power to how that energy is directed.

You will probably experience a moment when it hits you that your life now involves an additional child. My girls are 22 months apart and the fear of them hating each other made my heart race.  It’s impossible to split your attention perfectly equally, but I’ve discovered many ways to provide opportunities for positive interactions between a toddler and a new baby.

Mind Your Language

Throughout the day, talk about the baby and explain how you’re taking care of her. Let the toddler watch you change diapers, feed, and put the baby to sleep and have conversations about what you’re doing. This will help your toddler understand that a newborn baby is helpless and will reinforce that your family has to adopt some new routines.

There are also logistical constraints when you have a new baby who is entirely dependent on others. A lot of the attention that your toddler is used to will have to be redirected to the baby. When discussing with your toddler why you can or can’t do something, make sure it’s never the “baby’s fault” and be very conscious of your choice of words.

Rather than “I can’t play with you because I have to change the baby’s diaper” try “We’ll come play as soon as I get a clean diaper on her”. Instead of “Be quiet, the baby is sleeping” you can say “We’re going to let our instruments rest right now, but I’ll let you know when you can make loud noises again” and suggest a calm activity to do together.

You don’t want anything involving the baby, her schedule, or her needs to sound like a punishment to your toddler. The words you choose can make the difference between whether they learn compassion or resentment.

Praise

Give your toddler plenty of opportunities to be an awesome helper and distinguish themselves as the older child. This could be getting the baby diapers or toys, putting laundry away, and helping to make dinner. Find little jobs and responsibilities for them whenever you can. For all of the ways your toddler helps, praise and encourage their efforts enthusiastically! Show them that even though your family has a new baby, their participation is still both valuable and essential.

Inclusion

Try to include the baby and toddler in each other’s activities and get them accustomed to being around one another. That means everything from bath time to play time. The main goal is to demonstrate that your attention can be shared and that one child is not more important than the other.

For example, Goose loves tea parties so we would always make a place setting at the table for Belly. Whether Belly was asleep in her bouncer or I was holding her in my arms, Goose would offer her tea and we’d pretend that she was responding. We kept doing this over the months and Belly was able to gradually interact more and more. Now, the girls play cooperatively and keep each other entertained all day!

When it came to breastfeeding, I would always invite Goose to grab a book and read with us. Sometimes she wanted to sit with us and sometimes she would go play, but I gave her the choice so that she didn’t feel excluded and develop animosity toward Belly. Finding little ways to get both kids involved with each other will make a big difference in building a positive relationship.

Special Time

Becoming an older sibling, learning to share, and exercising patience can be exhausting for a toddler. Try to plan special outings and give your older kid a “break” from their big brother or big sister duties. Goose always enjoys solo smoothie dates and trips to the park.

If you’re not able to plan special time outside of your home, try to seize opportunities while baby is sleeping. Maybe baking cookies during nap time or staying awake to watch a movie once the baby goes to sleep at night. One-on-one time is a great way to reconnect with them individually and allow them to decompress a little.

Hard Work Pays Off

These are all concepts that I actually used with my baby and toddler and I could not be more thankful for the positive relationship between my girls now. Even though they’re both still very young. they are concerned about each others well-being, console one another when unhappy, and enjoy playing together.

Just remember that as hard as it is for you to adapt to your new family dynamics, it’s even harder for your toddler. Making the effort to implement small changes will certainly help a positive relationship between your toddler and baby grow!

What else have you done to help foster a positive relationship between your kids?

If you’re pregnant right now, make sure that you read my advice for preparing your toddler for a new baby.

And here are some ideas to help Baby and Daddy bond with each other!

Talk to you soon!