If you’ve ever witnessed a toddler tantrum, you know that it is incredibly challenging to stay calm as a mommy. You tell your child something they don’t want to hear and then a distressed whining starts. That whine is often followed by a piercing cry, stomping, and flailing. A hot wave rushes through your chest as the tears start to pour from your child’s eyes and the sobbing gets louder and more ridiculous. Before you know it, your face is tingling, your fists are clenching, and all you want is for the tantrum to stop.

Please, dear Lord. Just make it stop.

How can you possibly be expected to stay calm when a tiny dictator is shrieking their demands at you? You can’t! It’s totally normal to lose your cool in these types of situations, but yelling back at your child or showing excessive frustration will only add to their mental confusion. The best way to respond to these tantrums is to be the calm in the storm.

It is not your job to make the tantrum stop, but it is your job to guide your child through their intense emotions. It’s important to appear calm if you stand any chance of helping them.

Before having my daughters, I worked in early childhood development for 10 years. That means I encountered hundreds of young children and my livelihood depended on me being able to patiently support them through their outbursts. Over time, I acquired a list of habits that calm me down, even when I just want to scream.

Here are 6 tricks to help you stay calm when your toddler is having a tantrum:

1. Close your eyes

Take a split second and shut everything out. Dig deep into your mind and look for your happy place. Puppies and butterflies. Fluffy clouds or chocolate cupcakes. I love picturing a spot in Northern California with beautiful golden hills against a clear blue sky. Envision whatever peaceful image you need to find a brief moment of joy before addressing your wailing child.

2. Deep Breaths

Focus on your breath. Inhale positive thoughts through your nostrils and exhale your frustration out of your mouth. Slowing down your breath tells your brain that it’s time to chillax and will allow you to stay calm as you respond to your kiddo.

3. Soft Voice

If you want your child to calm down, shouting angrily back at them will not accomplish that. Speak directly into their ear with the gentlest voice you can muster and acknowledge the emotions they’re experiencing. This will help to suppress some of the strong feelings you may be having while addressing their behavior and how to best help them.

4. Pet Names

It’s much easier to calm down when you remember that a child is still learning. Baby, Sweetheart, Angel, Honey, Dear, Love. These are all reminders that the frenzied little person in front of you is precious, innocent, and helpless. They don’t know how to monitor their behavior yet, but if you keep showing them patience and grace, it’s a skill that they will eventually develop.

5. Mommy Timeout

Give yourself a timeout. Mentally remove yourself from the situation and look at it from the perspective of a bystander. A tantrum is not a personal attack on you as a parent. It’s a toddler’s way of expressing their immense displeasure about their current circumstances. Take a break and relax because a tantrum is not about you.

6. Hugs

When you’re uncertain about what to do, you can never go wrong with a long, sincere embrace. It’s so reassuring to your child to know that you’ll still comfort them when they’re at their worst. There’s never been a time when a hug hasn’t calmed me down.

If you’re someone who is easily worked up, you might not be able to calmly and appropriately respond to your child right away. Staying calm is difficult, but not impossible. And I’m sure your kiddo will give you plenty of opportunities to practice.

Find out how I tame toddler tantrums and see my diaper bag essentials for toddlers!

Talk to you soon!