I know that we hear so much about the “dangers” of comparing our children, but it’s really not all horrible. I understand being sensitive to our little one’s self-esteem and accepting them unconditionally, but I’m not afraid to say that it’s okay to compare your kids. Compare them to their siblings, compare them to their peers. Not only is it okay, but it’s totally normal and often helpful!
A comparison is simply an observation. It’s identifying what is similar and what is different between two people or objects. Sometimes you make comparisons inadvertently and other times it’s completely intentional. Either way, it’s meant to help our brain process information.
And the comparison itself is not the issue. The problem arises when you attach a positive or negative connotation to your observations and decide that one child is better or worse than another because of their differences.
I compare my daughters all of the time! I’m literally around them 24/7 and it would be impossible not to notice their traits and behaviors.
My 4-year-old is more articulate, detail-oriented, and affectionate while my 2-year-old is more creative, physically coordinated, and fearless. This is not me saying that one of my children is superior or that I prefer one personality over the other. This is me as a parent identifying their natural strengths at this point in time and acknowledging that some areas of their development might need additional support.
I actually think that there are benefits to comparing your kids. You discover more about each child as an individual, you learn to adjust your parenting style for their differences, and you grow to appreciate what makes them special or distinct. It’s all about how you handle the information you gather.
When making healthy comparisons of your kiddos, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Have realistic expectations for your children based on their age, developmental level, temperament, and interests.
- Some comparisons should only exist inside your mind or in private conversations between you and your spouse. Be aware when you verbalize your observations because children internalize our words as their self-identity.
- Encourage your children to always be the best version of themselves and don’t make everything a competition.
- Positive affirmations and praise! Rather than dwelling on what your child lacks, celebrate their accomplishments and uniqueness.
- Children start making their own comparisons pretty early on. Make sure your little one knows that they’re still learning and growing. Their current knowledge or abilities do not define them for the rest of their lives.
- Always treat your children fairly and love them unconditionally!
No need to be ashamed that you compare your kids. When done mindfully, it can be a really useful parenting tool!
Are you “guilty” of comparing your kids? Tell me in the comments!
See how I encourage a positive relationship between my daughters and learn how you can get FREE books every month for your kids!
Talk to you soon!
